Yesterday,
after a very hot afternoon I decided to go outside and water the garden. Like
most people, I used to love jumping through the sprinklers and play water games
on those long summer days. The feeling of cold water cooling your body is
probably one of the best associated with childhood. And so I took the hose and
watered the dry, thirsty plants and trees. While doing so, you feel like you have
an infinite power…like you’re God and have control over this tiny patch of
nature called your garden.
Funny
thing is, I told my fiancée about that strange experience and, once I was lying
in bed, I could hear a strong wind rushing through the open windows. A flashing
light entered the room and a roaring sound could be heard far away. However, in
what seemed like a very short time, the powerful thunder and lightning and hard
rain and strong winds were right above the house. It then dawned on me that God
decided to show me how one waters nature properly. And I could hear him say:
“Son, good try…but this is how it’s done!”
All of
this really inspired what is written below…that we too often let our purpose be
clouded by our struggle (and/or search for identity), when all we need to know
is that we are God’s children. We may have a grand plan for the near future…just
like my small, simple plan was to water the garden, assuming and speculating
that it was going to stay hot and dry all night. But out of nowhere, a storm
may arrive and you will have to adapt to those new circumstances. More than
often it’s a sobering thought that we are not really in control of our lives. And
to trust is something we cannot and don’t always want to do.
***
an enemy
called identity
stepping
out of the house from my childhood
a scent
of freshly washed nature hits my nose
reminding
me of the many times I smelled a new morning
with a
new face
with new
thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams.
as I climb
into the car
there is
a passenger joining me
a
faceless figure without voice
who just
stares at me
and the
person I have become.
without judgment
in those blurry eyes
i feel
his presence close to me
and a
telepathic communication ensues
where
neither of us speak
only silence
pervades the space between us
we are
one
and yet
not the same.
without realizing
it
the
figure tries to force me out of the car
to push
me off the road on which I’m travelling
he is
angry for no reason
and it
consumes his every pore
like
humid, sweltering heat
drawing
out the sweat
he cannot
shake off the pain and hurt
that is tightly
stuck on him.
resistance
is the only way to stay in control
or so it
seems
and so I push
back
using
force against force
and we
are caught up
in a
deadlock of confusion
who is
who
am I him
or is he
me
and the
truth is we don’t know
but we
are just focusing on each other
and the
things we hate
the
things that make us fight
and I can
only see how the car is driving towards a cliff
or, more
realistically, into oncoming traffic
my hands
are off the steering wheel
both of
us start to look ahead
and we
anticipate the crashing together of metal.
but the
cars move out the way and let me pass through
against
all belief
the
fighting has stopped
i am
holding on to the steering wheel
wanting
control
i look to
my side
trying to
identify the figure in the passenger seat
where did
he come from and why is he still here
it
suddenly occurs to me
that he
is an enemy
and
distracting me from driving in the right direction
an enemy
called identity
who
messes with my brain
incepting
my dreams
altering
the understanding of who I am
who I have
become.
a soft
voice enters my heart
telling
me to let go
to let
myself fall out of this car headed for
an
unknown destination
a place
far away in the past
where
nothing grows
a desert
without provision
a sea
without a breeze.
with one
last glance at my foe
i open
the door
lean over
the side
dropping
down towards the moving ground
in a
flash my body spins, tumbles and rolls
through a
poppy field in bloom
i watch
how my car drives off into the distance
my soul
waves goodbye
to a part
of me that will keep coming back
to check
whether I know and remember
that
someone greater now holds his hand over me
protects
me from the storm.
